Celebrity Sleuth Vol. 5 No. 9 “Tele-Visions 5”

EDITORIAL
THE SLEUTHSAYER
“This fall,” warned TV Guide, “television is taking a great leap…backward. Still, there are plenty of good reasons to stick around this season, so don’t merely take our word for how a show measures up. Ultimately, it’s up to you, the viewer, to decide what’s worth watching.” And, as you have for our first four “Tele•Visions” bestsellers, we trust that forward-looking fans will again decide that Sleuth is the one to watch!
Ironically, network television—in an effort to compete with cable and video, no doubt—is becoming racierthan ever! Witness the 1991 Emmy Awards, which some called the raunchiest show of the year: First, we had presenter Jane Seymour imagining “what it would be like to lay every Emmy winner end to end…” {“You’d be exhausted,” quipped co-presenter John Goodman}. Next, comedian Gilbert Gottfried said of Pee Wee Herman’s arrest for masturbation: “If that’s a crime, I should be on Death Row!” Continuing to beat a dead hose, Gottfried encouraged the black-tie crowd to “clap if you like masturbation.” Then, best actress winner Kirstie Alley thanked her husband, Parker Stevenson—”Who has given me the big one for the last eight years.” Finally, best actor recipient Burt Reynolds gave equal lime to wife Loni Anderson for “giving me two big ones over the years.”
As one who’s done the same since 1985 {including luscious Loni’s—twice}, I am proud to present this fifth edition of “Tele•Visions”—a ‘nuther nifty nod to network nudes. This volume features a full fifty full-figured femmes from the small screen {not in their case}, spanning the dial from MD/ {“Video Visions”} to PBS {“Master•Piece Theatre”}…and everything in between. As always, we’ve endeavored to include an equal mix of the legends {“Nighttime Hall of Frame”} and the cultfigures you’ve requested, such as reader Ron from the Philippines who recently wrote: “I worship the nice ass of Corinne Bohrer.” Ass you wish {p.69}…
To paraphrase the shows currently on the air, Sleuth is a MAN OF THE PEOPLE, so he’s taken a QUANTUM LEAP in this EXPOSE of AMERICA’S MOST WANTED. Though most are PERFECT STRANGERS to him, few remain UNSOLVED MYSTERIES for long, so he’s gathered a FULL HOUSE of DESIGNING WOMEN who BLOSSOM forth with NORTHERN EXPOSURE. And to top it off, these GOLDEN GIRLS are displayed IN LIVING COLOR.
CHEERS,